Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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