last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
