You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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