His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
