So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
