You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
