SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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