"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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