I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
