At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
