This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
