Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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