my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
