i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
