So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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