Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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