you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize