we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
