I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
