We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
