i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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