the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
