The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
