Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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