but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
