sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
