dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
