I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
