i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
