Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
