I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
