i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
