i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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