You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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