That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
