So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
