i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
