blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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