this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
