i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just had sex bonerless
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
