i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
