i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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