i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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