I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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