I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
