and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
