handjob tips. give me some.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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