How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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