my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
