remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
