I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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