Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
