I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize