Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
