all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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