I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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