So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
