the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
