I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
