wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize