we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
