What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
