im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
